Just busted out of the $109 $125k guaranteed Hendon Mob shoot out in 78 out of 1221 for $250 (not bad for my original $14 investment, but gutting beyond belief).

I started off really well when I managed to treble up on hand 16 with the nut full house against a lower boat and trips.

Got the stack up to about 14,000 at the second break. Then got moved to a table with I AM ARI (Bodog Ari) to my right. Got up to 23,000 there, before I got moved to a table with the top 3 stacks all to my right.

Got as high as 30,000, but folded AQ on a queen high flop after my continuation flop bet got re-raised by the chip leader. I am sure I was ahead. In a smaller tournament I would have jammed. Playing scared. Sums up tonight.

Had about 23,000 (average) when the bubble burst. Then couldn't get a hand and got anted away as the big stacks just kept raising and I had nothing to come over the top with.

Stole as many blinds as I could. Finally found KK UTG when I had $17k left. By this stage I am way behind the average (about 50,000), but I ran into AA and didn't get lucky.

I felt I really let things get away from me tonight. I was scared of bubbling and then scared of getting knocked out when I needed to build my stack or go home.

Thats the problem when you are playing above and beyond your usual level. Cashing is disproportionately important to the bank roll. If I knew that I was going to play in all the $100 to $200 buy ins, I could afford to be more aggressive, as I would when playing at my own stakes.

I have managed to get to two PLO final tables this week (small field tournys) and played scared (to place higher) in both of those (usually I only play to win at final tables). Aaron Bartley (FTP sponsored pro) was at one (a $33 buy in) playing very aggressively and it knocked me off my stride - I came 5th/69 after a long period of 5 handed play for $160.

There was also another player called Blackmetalhead who I think is an intenet pro at the final table. And Lee Watkinson also entered (last week the WSOP ME final table this week doing his bit for charity with the gutshot donkey).

Need to take a couple of days off now. Last time I got deep in a big buy-in tourny (on Party) I went on tilt for a month and lost $5k.

Although there, I was rivered in a monster pot by the chip leader with about 70 left when I had the 5th biggest stack. If I had won the pot or avoided getting involved, I would have had a real shot at the final table, as it was I was out.

Tonight was different. I never really felt like I was going to win it from the moment we hit the money. I was mentally knocked out about 30 minutes before I actually was, which is bad.

Have to remember I have been playing really well in tournys lately. Keep positive.